Monthly Archives: April 2014

Bob and the Peeps


Yesterday I had to go grocery shopping.  Not my favorite chore.  But the family had been adamantly complaining there was nothing to eat in the house (translation:  there’s no junk food), so it was off to buy sustenance for the masses.

I went to the Walmart Neighborhood Market to do my shopping.  I DETEST Super Walmart and try to stay out of there if humanly possible, but the nearest Walmart Neighborhood Market is actually clean, uncrowded, and mostly free of those characters traditionally seen on People of Walmart (you know exactly who I’m talking about).

When I walked in the door but  to what did my wandering eyes appear but PEEPS!  Yes, those blobs of marshmallow goodness covered in colored sugar and shaped into semi-recognizable images of chicks and bunnies.  Peeps are one of those things that you either love or hate.  I happen to love them so a few packages of discounted Peeps happened to jump in my cart.  Nirvana.

Peeps in cart

Since I knew I was going to engage in a sugar frenzy the moment I made it out of the store, I knew I needed to counterbalance the sugar overload with something healthy otherwise someone would be calling 9-1-1 to drag my Peep-induced comatose body out of the parking lot.  I made my way over to the produce section.  As I was perusing the strawberries, I saw out of the corner of my eye a little old man walking down the aisle with a cane.  He was moving at a speedy pace for a cane-using individual and as he got closer it appeared that he was coming straight for me.  He didn’t look familiar, so I continued with my foray through the fruit.

A moment later this octogenarian stopped right in front of me and said, “Hi, I come here daily to walk around the store.  I do it for exercise.”

I glanced around to see if he could possibly be speaking to someone else that I hadn’t noticed.  Nope.  I responded politely (as my mom taught me to do), “That’s great!  Good for you.”

Cute little old man, “What I like to do is tell other people about my life and then they can ask me questions.  Would you like to do that?”

Huh?  My mind started flipping through the possible scenarios, including the one where I spend hours standing in the produce department of Walmart eating my way through the avocados and mangoes while listening to a play-by-play of Cute Old Man’s life from birth until the present. Now, don’t get me wrong–I love the older generation.  I have grandparents that have passed away that I miss greatly.   I also have parents that could be considered the older generation (no offense Mom and Dad!).  Some of these older people are lonely because they don’t have others readily available to talk to and share memories.  However, I was in a time crunch (truly!) and I just didn’t have the time needed to devote to this gentleman.

I gently let him down and promised him that although I didn’t have time on this day to swap life stories, the next time I was in the store and he was there also, I would  take a  few minutes to talk with him.

He responded, “Well, my name is Bob. And sorry, I don’t remember other people’s names.”  And sure enough, Bob was actually wearing a button on his shirt that said, “I don’t remember other people’s names.”  No lie.  I couldn’t make this stuff up.

So as I wheeled my cart around the store, I made sure to go extra-speedy so that if Bob was watching me, he could see that I was not lying to him and I was truly in a rush.

Only in Walmart.  Seriously.

Please do me a favor.  If you happen to be in a Walmart Neighborhood Market and a man named Bob asked you to be an audience to his life story, I hope you can spare a few moments of your time because I’m sure he has some interesting tales to tell.  Just break open those Peeps and enjoy the converation.

P.S.  You might want to wear a name tag.

Eddie Murphy, Field Trips, and Aliens


What do Eddie Murphy, zoos, and field trips all have in common?  Nothing–except for my weird dreams.  A few nights ago I dreamed that Eddie Murphy came to my house to help me plan a field trip to the zoo for my third grade class.  Why was I dreaming about Eddie Murphy, you may ask?  I don’t know.  I haven’t been watching Beverly Hills Cop or Shrek.  However, I have recently downloaded his 1985 hit “Party All the Time” off iTunes and added it to my running playlist.  You don’t remember this song?  Here–let me refresh your memory:


Nevermind that I was dreaming about Eddie Murphy.  I don’t even teach third grade anymore nor do I want to take a couple of busloads of kids to the zoo.  Field trips make me look like this:


Not an attractive look.

What makes us dream such strange things?  Usually I try to blame it on something I ate or drank before bed, but I’ve been trying to be a kind of very good girl and not eat anything after supper so an odd food choice was not to blame for my dream.  Some researchers believe that dreams are wish fulfillment–we dream about what we wish to happen.  Though this is true in some of my dreams (winning the lottery! having my family pick up after themselves!), field trips–no matter how well-behaved the kids are and how nice the weather turns out to be–are not really at the top of my bucket list.

My bad dreams usually have to do with snakes and falling from tall heights–both things that are real fears in my life.  Those dreams I can’t wait to wake up from as soon as possible.  But there are good dreams that the alarm clock rudely interrupts and therefore the alarm clock become my enemy.  Not just the dream where I win the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes or the one where Adam Levine expresses his undying love for me and I have to break his heart because I am a happily married woman.  The dreams I want to hold onto are the ones where I see people I love that are no longer here.  The dreams where I get to talk to my Grandpa Golightley again and see him in his denim overalls.  The dream where I get to hold my Sam again and hear him giggle.  Those dreams are definitely the dreams of wish fulfillment.  Unfortunately those dreams are few and far between, but for nonetheless I am thankful.

So tonight when I go to sleep, my dreams await me.  What will I dream about tonight?  School?  Singing on American Idol? Bruno the Wonder Dog?  If there is one thing you can predict about your dreams, it’s that they are unpredictable.

By the way, did I mention that this dream about Eddie Murphy and the zoo field trip also involved alien spaceships?