Category Archives: Humor

Five reasons why today is a good day to be me

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1.  It’s Friday and I’m not at work.

I am a teacher and am on spring break.  I really don’t think any further explanation is necessary, do you?

teacher spring break

2.  Spring has sprung!

I’m not a fan of winter.  Or cold.  The first snow is kind of exciting, but then I’m done.  This winter seemed to have been especially long because we had NO SNOW DAYS off from school.  Can you imagine this atrocity? The only time we received a good amount of snow was on the weekends.  What good did that do us?  None, I tell you. Of course, we could have had 10 million feet of snow like Boston.  No, thank you.

winter is over

3.  The sun is shining.

I know you may think this is a repeat of number 2, but alas, you would be mistaken.  Just because it is spring in Kansas, does NOT mean the sun would be shining.  We have our fair amount of rainy, cloudy days in spring.  Sometimes we even have SNOW. A couple of years ago we had snow in MAY.  That’s just not right.  However, today the sun is shining, birds are singing and the future looks bright.

future looks bright

4.  It’s March Madness!

Not only is it March Madness, but my two favorite teams play today–The Wichita State Shockers and the KU Jayhawks! I have been hearing some smack about their mascots–the WuShock and the Jayhawk.

house united

I don’t understand this hatred because frankly there are much worse mascots.  Consider Xavier’s blue blob:

09XavierBlueBob

Or let’s take a gander at Delta State’s Fighting Okra:

fighting okra

I don’t want to hear anymore about the ridiculousness of the WuShock and Jayhawk because your view is unfounded.

The only bad thing about this tournament is that WSU and KU are on a crash course to play each other this weekend. If they both win today, then they will play each Sunday and one team will be eliminated soon into the tournament. This match-up has been long awaited by many people in our state of Kansas. I would like to see them play each other, but not in these circumstances. The only thing I can say is let the best team win!

5.  God loves me.

Once again, this needs no further explanation.

So what makes a good day for you?

Who are you rooting for in the NCAA tournament?

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Beware of the Cemetery Rodent

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It’s been said that many times truth is stranger than fiction and that was the case today when I spotted an unusual sight on my run.

My usual running route takes me through our small town’s cemetery.  The cemetery is a perfect place to run–it’s quiet, there’s little or no traffic, and it is just an all-round great place for meditation and contemplation while I try to convince my legs that they are NOT dying and can take me one. more. mile.

Marti Iphone Mar 15 2015 092

Today was a perfect running day as spring has sprung here in Kansas and not a moment too soon!  It was sunny and 68 degrees with a slight breeze.  Nirvana!

As I wound my way through town and headed into the cemetery, imagine my surprise when I saw this sitting just inside the cemetery gate:

Marti Iphone Mar 15 2015 091

An empty pet rodent cage.

Apparently someone in our little community decided that Sparky the __________ (insert the rodent of your choice–hamster, gerbil, guinea pig, mouse, rat) was not “pet material” and would be better off in the wild.

I admit that I am not a fan of rodents.  I am a dog and cat person.  I could also be a goat person, but Mr. Caffeinated Ginger has nixed that idea.  But rodents?  No, thank you.  However, to take your “pet” from your home and just release it into the wild?  Sounds kind of irresponsible to me.

Then I got to thinking–the only two reasons a person would just release a pet into the wild would be (1) they cannot find another person to which to rehome their pet, or (2) the pet is vicious and cannot live with humans without threat of said humans losing fingers, toes or noses.

My imagination, of course, takes off from there and I start imagining our quiet, peaceful little cemetery being haunted by something like this:

scary rodent

Now THAT is scary.

That being said, I’m not going to change my running route just because there might be a rabid, terror-inducing rodent now living in the cemetery.  I’m much too brave to do that.  However, if you hear screams of horror coming from that part of town one day, please know that it isn’t ghosts that are haunting me, but the reality of the Cemetery Rodent.

Just a Couple of Turkeys

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Our town has a couple of turkeys.  I know you’re thinking, “My town has MORE than a couple of turkeys!”  But, no really, my small town has a couple of real living and breathing turkeys that have decided to make our town their home, and our townspeople have adopted them as our unofficial mascots. Ironically, the turkeys appeared in town a short time before Thanksgiving.  Whether they thought their chances of becoming Thanksgiving dinner were less here in town since it’s illegal to fire a firearm within city limits, we may never know.  But I do know I was very surprised when I first saw them the day before Thanksgiving. In the midst of Thanksgiving preparations, I decided to go for a run so that I could create a calorie-deficit so my pie-eating could be guilt-free the next day.  As I wound my way through town on my regular running route, imagine my surprise when I came upon these two birds: turkeys while running They really weren’t too concerned that this strange human being who was breathing heavily and sweating bullets was taking photos of them.  They just nonchalantly crossed from one side of the street to the other, gobbling as they sauntered away. Of course I, knowing that tomorrow was Thanksgiving and what most people were going to dine on for their holiday dinner, wanted to yell at them, “Run for it!” Quickly I learned that these birds had been hanging around our town for several days.  Soon they were being spotted from one side of our fair city to the other. turkeys stopping traffic

Stopping traffic

turkeys by pizza hut

Heading to Pizza Hut for lunch

Turkeys by city building

Paying their water bill at the city building

turkeys peeking in school

Peeking in the windows of the elementary school

turkeys by train

Waiting on the trains just like the rest of us common folk

One night a few weeks ago, my husband was outside and quickly came inside stating that “something” was in the trees across the street from our house.  That “something” was our two resident turkeys who decided the trees were a good place to roost for the night.

turkey collage

How the turkeys got up in the trees is a mystery. They returned the next evening to roost again.  I stood in my driveway for several minutes as they strutted around the bottom of the tree and flapped their wings.  However, they didn’t get up in the tree until after I went in the house and wasn’t watching them, of course.  Apparently the magic of tree roosting is an Ancient Turkey Secret.  They could show me but then they’d have to kill me. A few days before Christmas, the turkeys wandered through my yard. I think they had heard that I had already bought ham for our Christmas dinner so so they felt confident that their chances of being “invited to Christmas dinner” were pretty slim. turkeys in my ditch Our turkeys even have their own Facebook page and currently have over 300 followers.  They also have been featured on one of the local news stations. These fowls are the most popular thing to hit our town of 1600 residents since, well, perhaps ever? A couple of days after Christmas, I was headed out of town and spotted the turkeys over by the arboretum which is one of our town’s claims to fame (besides the turkeys, of course).  They were counting their blessings that both Thanksgiving and Christmas had passed and they were still in possession of all of their feathers. turkeys by arb I don’t know how long the turkeys will call our town home. If they ever come to a tragic end, I do know that will cause sadness and grief for their fans.  But in the meantime, we will continue to enjoy the antics of our fine-feathered friends.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

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We’ve all heard that saying, “A picture is worth a thousand words.” Every picture also has a background story and knowing the story helps put the picture into perspective.

A prime example is this picture of my older brothers and me when we were young:

Marti Bob Ernie flower bed 1968

My grandmother took this picture at my grandparents’ farm.  I think her motive was to capture her adorable grandchildren and her beautiful spring tulips all in one picture.

However, if you look at the picture more closely, you would notice this:

Marti Bob Ernie flower bed 1968 crop

My face.  Which isn’t very happy.  In fact, I would label that a definite pouty face, complete with stuck out bottom lip.

Why was the young Caffeinated Ginger so displeased?  Well, look no more further than my feet:

Marti Bob Ernie Flower Bed bread bags

Those, my friends, are plastic bread bags on my feet.  I remember very distinctly that there had been a recent rain and the ground was rather wet and a little muddy.  I don’t recall what kind of shoes I had on that day, but I do know that Grandma was concerned about my shoes being ruined, so her solution was to place empty bread bags on my feet.

Even at three or four years old, I knew that this footwear wasn’t going to make for a good fashion statement.

Adding insult to injury, she didn’t make my brothers wear bread bags on their feet–just me. Sometimes it really stinks being the youngest child.

Grandma probably tried to sweet talk and cajole me into smiling for the picture, but being a stubborn ginger whose fashion sense had been insulted, I was not going for it.  Nope, no way. I’m sure she was quite thrilled when she received her developed pictures and saw this masterpiece.  Sorry, Grandma.

Of course, my own children have paid me back for my sins by not always cooperating for pictures either. That’s okay.  The time of retribution will be upon them when they become parents.  ‘Tis the circle of life.

 

 

The Diary of Medicating Oscar the Cat

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Last week I had to take Oscar the Cat to the vet because he was under the weather.  He was prescribed both a pill and a liquid medication.  The following is a diary of the Medicating of Oscar.  Read it and weep.

Day 1:  Google Internet and watch numerous YouTube videos of how to medicate a cat.  Unsuccessfully look for leather gloves to wear while dispensing medication.  Wrap Oscar in towel aka The Cat Burrito.  Stick finger in Oscar’s mouth to pry it open.  Get bit by Oscar and receive puncture wound.  Pray there are no cat diseases that can be contracted by humans.  After several minutes of cat wrestling, mission is accomplished and Oscar has downed both the liquid and pill medications.

finger edit

Day 2:   Play Rock/Paper/Scissors with husband to decide who gets to try to subdue cat while the other dispenses medication.  Lose game. Don sweatshirt (even though it is 100 degrees outside) to protect arms from cat scratches. Leather gloves are still nowhere to be found. Scoop up Oscar and once again turn him into a cat burrito. Attempt to open feline’s mouth without getting bit this time.  Husband is able to dispense liquid medication quickly.  Pill is popped into cat mouth.  Cat’s throat and nose are rubbed to encourage swallowing.  Humans are lured into false sense of security. Cat is released onto the floor where he promptly spits pill out and walks away with an arrogant look.

Day 3:  Oscar is finally getting his appetite back, so humans decide to try to mix medicine in food. Humans go to grocery store and buy canned cat food, which is usually just a rare treat for felines of the Caffeinated Ginger household.  Liquid medication is mixed in food. Oscar thumbs his nose. One dose of medication wasted. Pill is ground up and mixed in with food. Cat is fooled and gobbles it down. Score is tied.

Day 4: Oscar is feeling better and hanging around in kitchen. Humans feed Oscar more Fancy Feast.  After trial and error, it is confirmed that Oscar will only eat chicken-flavored food.  Shrimp?  No.  Beef?  No.  The other felines in the household, Spot and Lucy, get Oscar’s rejects. Oscar eats only chicken-flavored Fancy Feast with ground-up pill. Humans shoot liquid medication down Oscar’s throat in record time. Humans feel smug and superior until hearing the sounds of Oscar retching said medication all over living room carpet. Humans begin to question why they became pet owners in the first place.

Day 5: Oscar’s appetite is back in full-force. He will now only eat canned food as only peasant cats eat dry cat food and he believes himself royalty. Humans rush to grocery store at 9 p.m. to clear shelves of Fancy Feast before closing time. Spot and Lucy are starting to feel like stepcats. Oscar’s ingesting of medication is spotty at best.

Oscar edit

Day 6: Oscar has officially taken over the household. Humans decide that Oscar was faking said illness in order to train humans to spend large quantities of money on Fancy Feast. His evil plan has been deemed successful. Cats worldwide are using the same mode of operation to thwart humans everywhere to rid the planet of paltry dry cat food and the canned cat food industry is booming.

cat medicine